Tuesday, July 16, 2002
Did I mention that my blog sucks. This kind of thing was not supposed to happen to me. I know better than this. I do. I know I do. For God's sake. Wonder if he is mad that I never brought the M. thing up. Well, whatever. He was supposed to be around. I don't know. I can't stand any of these people. Lies...Yes I can. i am in love with a total jerk. ANd it is all my fault. I should leave them to their devices. I should leave-- run into them when I hear that they are married and maybe me too, and then its going to be okay, because i will.................Sleep, please come, please please....please please please please. Why is this so important---cause I never get affection that I want...the person that I want-- never "nice" affection--- usually a prelude to sex....I should go away now...bye
Caustic posted this at 11:44 PM.
fuck. i can't believe that I am awake now. I can't believe that I am mad over this bullshit. Seriously. It makes sense yet it doesn't. I keep telling myself I don't want to be used for some nasty shit-- then bam. I get pissed when I get blown off. Now I know how "super" feels. Rejection is a bitch. Seriously. Its been a while since a man hasn't tried shit with me--- crap- I don't know how to deal with it. all I can do is deal with it. I mean--fuck. At least I have this to vent on. Otherwise I'd be watching tv--- shiiiit. I mean-- noody owes me anything. I bought those tickets to the Concert--- its all good. I wanted to go, I wanted him to go with me---nothing that I regret. I do regret my stupidity all these goddamned months. Doing shit- praying he'd come around-- fuck all that. fuck it. I should be like a guy. Well--- in some ways I am. I am mad right now that I am not having my crap knocked out---hah! yup. Guys always hate that shit. I should have called B. but I don't want to. I do, but I don't. I just hated his selfishness. he wasn't all bad, ya know? No not really. Just arrogant. Just--- not quite what I had in mind. You can never please me--I guess it's true what David says--- there is no substitute for the "tang" you were after. Or being with the person you're after. No one else will do---fuck---do you know that a lot of women would kill to be the position I am in with these fools? S. was going to stab me just so she could be with L. L. is my cast-off! I could care less. I thought he was hot months ago---now that he is there in front of me for the taking, I just could give a damn. Same with inventor--- he is like--hey I got fed, I did this and that--- wow, and the dumb bitch is taking me to a concert. Yeah what the fuck ever. Stupid fucking girl that I am. Now I am an internet loser typing when I should be somewhere with someone who loves me, who will hold me, be affectionate toward me, who will be honest with me, who will claim me--- sad. I can't believe the decision making process I made. Why the hell. Look at me. I'm pretty, smart, fun---- fuck you asshole. Do you know I turned down four people to hang with ypur astoday---this whole thing is bulshit. L had a point. How cruel this world is. I mean for real. Sigh. ywane
Caustic posted this at 11:35 PM.